We all have insecurities, right? Whether it’s physical, like your body, height, your weight, or maybe your insecurities arise from the scarcity of financial support like not having the most badass car amongst your friends.
Insecurities are these unpleasant feelings that may suffocate your partner and your relationship excessively. It’s an intense feeling that arises when you feel inadequate. Well, it’s usual to have self-doubts, however, random occurrences of insecurities may descend your intimate relationship into the dark cave of failure.
Today, we will discuss what causes insecurity in a relationship and share 10 tips to deal with relationship insecurity –
TIP NO. 1 – Don’t let your past relationship experiences haunt your present one
Our mind plays tricks on us when it comes to relationships, especially when we have been in a bad one in the past. Just because in your past relationship, things didn’t turn out good or maybe your past girlfriend or boyfriend cheated on you doesn’t mean that the current one is cheating on you too.
Nothing is going to damage your relationship the most than making your present girlfriend or boyfriend pay for the deeds of your past relationship experience.
Replaying old relationship scenarios in your head is also harmful to your current romantic condition. It hinders the progress and growth in your current relationship with your partner.
The best thing about new relationships is that it’s like a relationship do-over, you get to start again.
TIP NO. 2 – Don’t let your mind play tricks on You
When we start getting insecure we start imagining absurd things and ultimately start reading into everything. It can be something like “Oh gosh! she didn’t text back even when I saw here online on Whatsapp. Does this mean that she’s cheating on me?”
As we discussed earlier, replaying scenarios from your past can be devastating to your relationship, so is making up situations and imagining scenarios where you think the other person is cheating on you or maybe hiding something from you. And all this may not be even true. The mind plays tricks and we drift away from reality.
Well, here’s the deal – What I learned from my past experiences is that the best way to handle this kind of situation is to encourage open and honest communication from the start of your relationship but you have to start doing it when things are good, not when things go south.
Don’t get up one morning after a possible made-up situation in your mind and be like “Listen, we need to talk and we need to start being honest with each other” and no matter what happens, you’re going to act all weird and reckless which will definitely turn your partner off, super-duper fast.
Sometimes, these situations occur due to stress or maybe you struggle to open up to your partner. Go ahead and read our blog on “How to reduce stress during a lockdown” where we go in-depth on how to reduce stress during a lockdown and maintain calm and mental peace.
Encourage frank communication from the beginning of your relationship but don’t try to read into thoughts or situations or you’re mind will play crazy tricks on you.
I know it’s easier said than done, but you’ve got to trust that if your partner has something to say they’re going to say it. But this will only happen if you trust your partner and are willing to have open conversations.
Go ahead and read our blog on “How to maintain a healthy relationship under lockdown” where we go in-depth on how to save your relationship from failing.
TIP NO. 3 – Don’t waste your time in mind reading
You can’t mind read. Nobody can. So, don’t try. Simply ask your partner. But, once you ask don’t keep asking again and again. Questions like “are you sure you’re okay”, and five minutes later “Are you sure something’s not wrong? You can talk to me about everything dear. Come on open up.”
Stop mind reading the crap out of your relationship. Stop acting weird all the time. If you continue, your relationship will be over before you can think about what happened. It’s because there is nothing that’s going to destroy a potential in a relationship like your persistent pestering over things.
If you ask them, and they say they’re ok, then they are OK. You don’t have to poke them every now and then about the same situation just because you are trying to play Houdini. Trust your partner. If there’s something wrong, they will tell you.
TIP NO. 4 – Calm yourself down before making decisions
This is a big one folks. Sometimes big decisions are taken without comprehending the situation wisely. When we are sad or hurt we tend to make irrational decisions super quick. DON’T DO THAT!
Here’s what I want you to do. Take a deep breath. Think of the situation you’re in and ponder over it for a bit. If you feel stressed out or tired. Don’t stretch it. Take some rest and think about it with a fresh mind.
They say in the matter of the heart, mind has no role to play, but in reality, it is the mind that does all the thinking and we forget to calm it down.
Consider the following as a cheat sheet to calm yourself down. Ask yourself –
- This thought in my head, is it because of my boyfriend or girlfriend? Or is it just me imagining things?
- What’s the severity of the situation? Do I have to make a decision right now?
- Who loses the most out of this decision I am about to make? Does this decision make me happy?
Once you answer these questions, you will start to calm down, and trust me you will try to reason well with yourself before making a strong move.
TIP NO. 5 – Give room for your relationship to grow
Just like every other relationship, yours need room to breathe and grow. Think of a relationship as a tree, when it’s new, it’s fresh and you plant that sapling of love in your life. You then nurture it by giving regular water, some dirt, and warmth.
But image if you are constantly poking the sapling, standing over it regularly, and force it to grow immediately into a tree. What’s gonna happen? You’re going to suffocate it and eventually, it will die.
The same thing happens to relationships. Folks, you need to give your relationship time to grow. Your partner needs to fit in your life the same way you gotta fit into theirs.
Forcing anyone to fit in will eventually raise complications in a relationship and either of you will end up feeling suffocated. You need to have interests outside your relationship. Like your friends, your colleagues, your friends at the club, etc.
The strongest relationships are made when people have their own lives outside their relationship too. They’re individuals too who have their own life and social circle. So give them freedom. This will only help you grow your bond stronger.
TIP NO. 6 – It won’t always be easy
You need to understand that relationships are not always a breeze in the park. It’s not always filled roses and perfume. A lot of times when we get into a relationship, it feels like we are walking on air. You heard it right my friends, it feels amazing and everything just feels right. Our happiness meter shoots off the roof.
But guess what, that feeling never lasts. We’re not designed to maintain that level of emotional intensity all the time in our relationship. There will be Highs, and there will be Lows. There will be times when you won’t know what to feel. Relationships are not always easy.
The ideal tip here is to stick to your natural self and not just bail out of it in the first sight of trouble. Focus on the good, focus on the positives. Rough patches will come, but that doesn’t mean you abandon the ship. If it’s a lasting relationship you’re looking for and something that is supposed to be then it’s okay, don’t freak out.
Just keep nurturing your relationship, keep working on the communication, and eventually, it’ll work itself out, if it’s supposed to.
TIP NO. 7 – Do not look through their stuff
Take some time to read this section, because a lot of you need to understand and grasp this mentally, when I say – “Do not snoop around. Do not highjack their phones and look through their phone’s content. Don’t look through their text messages. Don’t break into their Facebook account and check out their friend list. Do not look into their personal or professional emails.”
Folks, let me tell you, once you reach that point where the insecurities get hold of you and you feel the need to snoop, YOU’LL NEVER STOP! Because you’ll never trust them and if you look hard enough you’re going to find something that you’re going to miss read, miss interpret, and turn that into a situation.
And moreover, if you look right and you find something that you may want to question them about. What are you going to do? You will act weird around them, that all. You’re not going to come out.
Or even if you do come out and confront them, they’re going to be like – “Why the hell you looked through my stuff” and you’re gonna be like “oh, but I had to” and then you’re going to try and make up some excuse for your actions and let tell you, folks, it doesn’t work.
Do not get into a situation that gets impossible to come out from.
TIP NO. 8 – Go with your instincts
We all have natural instincts when it comes to relationships. Listen to them! Listening to your instincts helps you avoid stressful situations in your relationship.
If your instincts tell you that something’s up, confront your partner, instead of snooping around in their stuff. Confrontation is better than snooping around. Nothing ever comes well out of snooping.
Bonus Tip – Don’t overthink. Trusting your instincts is good, but pondering over it for hours or even days in some cases, will do more harm than good to your mental health. Overthinking can ruin your mood and put you in a state of dilemma throughout your confrontation stage with your partner.
TIP NO. 9 – Happiness comes from within
There is no one else in control of your happiness but you and vice versa. Also, you cannot control or be responsible for the happiness of others. Stop trying to mindlessly please others. If you’re not comfortable with yourself, how will you make others comfortable around you?
Also, the best partnerships will have obstacles, and even the most stunning of partners will have moments less than perfect. Those wanting a healthy relationship should battle the negative with a positive attitude when times are rough. And this positive attitude can only come from within. You can’t force in on your partner nor can they force it on you.
You should display your own personality and capacity to control your own needs and desires. It will help you develop a successful relationship with someone.
You feel good about your relationship when you can handle yourself when you are alone. Getting a life of your own will keep your partner and yourself involved in a long-lasting relationship.
TIP NO. 10 – Know when it’s not working out
Remember that relationships are supposed to feel good and you’re supposed to feel better being with this person you’re with. Partners in a good relationship understand that to keep things going smoothly, you have to put in the effort. This also means you have to do stuff you don’t want to do, because it matters to your partner.
If it comes to a point where you don’t feel good and comfortable when you’re with somebody, chances are they are not the right person and it’s time to break-up.
Is it going to suck? Absolutely. Is it going to be crushing to the other person? For a while, yes, but they will sooner or later realize that you were also not the right person for them.
There is a simple saying – Love ’em or Leave ’em. Don’t drag a relationship to a point where none of you are happy anymore. That defeats the whole purpose of a relationship, right?
Chemistry needs to gel both ways. If one of you is not comfortable in the relationship, there will be no point in just dragging it on and feeling miserable all the time.
To summarise our discussion the 10 Tips to Deal With Relationship Insecurity are as follows –
- Don’t let your past relationship experiences haunt your present one
- Don’t let your mind play tricks on You
- Don’t waste your time in mind reading
- Calm yourself down before making decisions
- Give room for your relationship to grow
- It won’t always be easy
- Do not look through their stuff
- Go with your instincts
- Happiness comes from within
- Know when it’s not working out
Tell us about your experiences in your relationship. We would love to hear your thoughts. Please comment below and if you like this blog on “10 Tips to Deal With Relationship Insecurity”, share it with your friends and family.