“FEMINISM” often muddled?
So these days, when I roll through the gram stories, I come across people who have apparently become mere flag holders of feminism. I realize that this term ‘FEMINISM’ is misinterpreted by a lot of us. And I tend to wonder, has feminism gone too far?
Some think it’s trendy and some just use it for the sake of acceptance in the society, because otherwise you may be characterized as a misogynist.
But what ached my heart the most is that this term was used as a negative comment on various posts (‘pseudo-feminist’ ‘feminist didi’) and many famous artists being mocked and trolled for the same. So there popped a question in my mind that what has brought so much hatred to a word or rather a movement which was brought into the picture to fortitude women?
I vividly remember that as a kid, my father always told me that “the solution of a problem lies in origin itself.” And I could relate to this here also. That why does this word feminism has such offended tracks?
So if I think about this act now, it was for the women and not against men.
With the ticking clock, I realize that the endeavor and time imbued by some of the courageous people like Swami Vivekanand, Savitribai Phule, and many others who have confined their names with the golden pen to empower women in our history, are now growing feeble!
This tool is being misused by a lot of us to counterbalance our wrong maneuver.
Let me quote an incident –
So there’s a male friend of mine who was into a relationship wholeheartedly for three years.
The couple kept fighting with each other like every other couple. Still, after quarreling, the girl used to be very abusive on him. Block him and then upload pictures with other guys apparently just to make him jealous.
And even after all the tantrums, my friend used to go on his knees to ask her forgiveness, after which she would come back with more attitude telling him that “it was you who came to me, so I am not gonna change my attitude because this is me and I have full rights to express my anger in whatever way I want to. You cannot always ask the girl to be polite. Because I am not a girl from the ’80s, I am a millennial“
And one fine day when her tantrums were served in her style, her selfdom couldn’t handle it and guess what? BOOOM!
She came hustling down the lane with a boy introducing him as her ‘NEW BOYFRIEND’ and justified that a person who abused a girl and didn’t give her enough respect didn’t deserve her time and efforts.
She also allegedly called him a cheater and an androgynist and left the house showing her middle finger. On the other hand, he kept on begging sorry and giving clarifications.
A Few Questions
After hearing about the incident and consoling my friend, I have a few questions for his girlfriend –
- “Is this how you treat other human beings whom you claim to love?”
- Is using the speech of hatred and not valuing others’ emotions is called being empowered?
- Or using your female card everywhere is enough to justify yourself as a new era millennial?
- And isn’t it a mutual responsibility of both the people to slightly mend their wrong
- ways to grow as a better person and couple?
You might not have answers to it. But my dear girl, let me inform you that You can’t use FEMINISM slangs this way. You just can’t shift the core motive of this movement to cover your misdeeds.
You might think that I am over exaggerating, but do you even have an idea that just because of your wrong behavior now, a friend believes that every girl fighting for her rights is doing that because she wants to dominate men. Also, when I share my relationship issues with him, he often taunts me, “tum bhi apni vo ladki hone ki special powers dikhao,” though we laughed it off later.
But that is something which should not happen. We being the sufferers, can’t let the wrong message float in their heads!
And sometimes there are different ways to handle this situation. Being a woman supporter doesn’t mean that you always have to be a rebel.
Being polite and showing your power in a manner that is useful and implementing it with correct actions will bring us more respect and support!
I, being a female, have experienced many incidents where I have been dominated and suppressed upon. Sometimes after being influenced by the overpowered feminist post, even I have over-exaggerated and argued against a lot of episodes.
Be it with my family, boyfriend, or friends, but 50% of the time, I found myself to be wrong and to overreact.
It was because, when I intervened in situations to get to the notion of the argument, it was less of domination but more of care and love.
I remember once when my boyfriend told me not to wear a deep cleavage top to a supermarket to which I reciprocated very aggressively and carried myself the same way. But the way people gloated me all my way( because we went by foot) was something which really made me uncomfortable.
It wasn’t for the first time that I wore bold clothing, but it was just that it wasn’t the correct place to carry myself like that.
There are places like clubs and malls to rock and slay. Also, I realized that what I always took as an offense was actually meant or me to not face those unhealthy stares, creepy looks, and sometimes even worse, a cheap comment coming all your way.
And not only this, I would apprise one more instance when we were going for a party with my folks, and a friend of mine insisted that he would drive.
Without even listening to his full statement, I started arguing that I will drive, and “just because I am a girl, you can’t do that to me.” I made some comments on his personal life too, just to satisfy my hurt ego.
But after all that cringe, he just let go off and handed over the keys to me and let me drive. And only after 2-3 km, I pulled back and asked him to drive, because my heels and my dress made it really hard for me to drive. Also, my freshly styled hair was hindering my vision so much that it made it very difficult for me to manage.
After seeing my struggle, he just smirked and told me that this was the only reason he wanted to drive so that I remain all dolled up until we reach the party.
I felt a little guilty and realized, Not all men are the same. Not all want to suppress women and fulfill their desires every time. BUT then also there arises a substantial question that “why do only women have to hear and face all those evil comments? Why can’t we roam freely in whatever clothes we want to?
My Two Cents
In my opinion, this is all because women were always characterized as an instrument of sexual desire.
I firmly believe that it’s something inadmissible, and this flesh-craving for women’s body has to come to an end. The old patriarch thinking which is being carried over from ever since.
But despite all anguish we have been suffering for ages, we have to gulp the hard fact that it will take a significant time to unroot this thinking against women.
We need to understand that during this transition period of gaining our self-respect back, we have to stand strong and protect ourselves from being minced into situations that are not in our control.
And not pull men down who are helping us grow as a better person and supporting this endeavor. We often confuse ourselves over the feeling of love and care with the thought of being controlled and suppressed.
A lot of times, if we prevent our near ones from drinking or smoking regularly, then we portray it as love and care. But we often take it otherwise when objected by a man to do so.
We often tell our boyfriend and brothers to not hang out very late because we want them back safe and lying next to us. Still, some of us get offended and bring our freedom card in between when the role is reversed!
And let’s not only blame the men in our society. I have noticed there are a lot of women who don’t make other women succeed.
They can be spotted everywhere from our homes to Dj parties, judging all over. I have been looked down by girls around me often and heard some excellent compliments which boost my moral like anything (ironically though) “ye itne fancy kapde sbko attract karne ke liye pehanti hai”
” iski family ne hi issey bigada hai “(because I grabbed a beer mug in a party) they judged my family and my motive behind dressing in a little different from them just in a click.
Trust me: one of my male friends there took a stand and “that just because you dress in Kurti, you don’t owe the right to judge her(me) ”
I don’t hold any grudges for them but what I try portrait here is that it’s a mindset which is deep-rooted in people that girls aren’t allowed to do certain things, and this is not only limited to men, but a lot of ladies have that because it is what they have been going through ever since..judged for every small thing from their clothing styles to their hair dyes.
Its not the Gender; Its the Psyche
So you see it’s not just the gender; it’s the psyche of people we need to get rid of!
Let us not fight against all the men, this is the fight against the misogynistic mindset of people – be it women or man.
We are not here to be above the men. We are here to get equality and get rid of gender discrimination. But that doesn’t mean that you will legalize your wrong deeds just because some men did it in history. You don’t have to file revenge with this lot of men.
I am sure many of you might be thinking that we can dress the way we want, definitely, darling you can. It’s your body, rock the way you want, whether it be hot mini skirts or sassy “tube tops, but what I mean here is dress according to the need of place and time.
We should be grateful for all the way we have come through to date. If we look back, just one generation back where women were not even allowed to study, and today we all stand strong to get our fundamental rights. It will take time to heal and grow; maybe our daughters never feel the same pain that we do.
Keep yourself secure because it might be stormy now, but it can’t rain forever. We really need to preserve such people, who understand that gender was divided by god for life to flourish ahead not to be discriminated against based on body symmetry.
It would be a real victory for us as when our point of view is understood by society. And not only respect it but also enforce it in society.
Because in the end, it’s not only one gender or person who can build this mental bridge; it’s a combined effort of every well being on this planet.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I’m anukriti and I’m pursuing my bachelors in engineering . Whilst being an avid reader I have a habit of speaking my mind out for which I seek platforms like this . Portraying my strong thoughts is one of my hobbies and what’s the best time if not now.
Socially Desi is a blogging website which focuses on Personal Development, Mental Health, Minimalism, Business & Entrepreneurship, Life Hacks and Relationships